"Garang tapi best..."

Part of the reasons my young cousins are close to me is because I normally entertain them more than other older cousins. Upon learning of my wedding, a cousin immediately remarked in dismay, “ala, nanti Kak Eda dah tak leh bawak jalan-jalan, dah tak leh belanja… Ala, tak bestnya…”

Most of my cousins had at one time or another asked for a treat from me – whether for some sweets, some ice cream, some Slurpee from 7-Eleven store, or cajoled me into buying a book or a VCD. Which I often obliged because not only it gives me pleasure to see their bright smile of joy, it also gives me pleasure in just sharing their joy.

Although I’m not a chocolate lover, I love sweets and ice cream. So buying those for my cousins usually means a treat for myself too. When I was younger, I almost always had steady supplies of sweets in my bag - a fact well known by my cousins that once, a five-year-old cousin upon reaching my home, straight away went to my room and searched my bag for sweets. My auntie gasped at his behaviour, yet I couldn't help but laughed at it. Of course he found them - and he got more than his siblings simply because he found them first. Although I don't keep much sweets in my handbag nowadays if ever, there's almost always a tub of ice cream ready for the young guns' attack in the freezer. The red bean ice cream potong are off limit though - they are meant for my parents, the respected Ayah Long and Mak Long.

Buying children books for younger cousins mean I can go ooh-and-aah together with them over some amazing facts found in those books. I sometimes read out stories or retold stories from some children book for them – in the car during family outings or before they go to sleep when we stay under one roof (as we sometimes do, during Raya and other family gatherings, usually during school holidays). Enid Blyton is almost everyone’s favourite, but I sometimes narrate horror stories from my school days or stories of Prophets, of Rasulullah (peace be upon him) and his Sahabah, depending on what my cousins were interested in on that particular day.

I especially love taking my female cousins out – window shopping and dining at shopping malls or just going for a jog at a nearby park followed by a small treat afterwards. I guess that’s why their immediate response upon learning of my wedding was partly dismay – at the thought of having nobody else to plead for treats and to chauffeur them around like I used to.

I was already eleven when I got my first female cousin, and more female cousins arrived after I was already in high school or beyond. With our large age gap, it’s a pleasure to be a big sis to them, the one I wished I had when I was younger. The one they can confide in, ask a lot of questions to and manja with, although being the eldest daughter of the eldest son also means I have some authority over (read: scold) them when they misbehave.

I can be rather strict as a disciplinarian – but often, the ‘nicer’ side of me are remembered more. As one nine-year-old cousin put it, “Kak Eda garang, tapi best…” When asked to further explain on what she meant by being ‘best’, she just shrugged and said “banyak sangat sebab, susah nak cakap”.

I guess in the end, that’s what pleases me most about being nice to my young cousins – the thought that somewhere inside their heart, there’s a fondness specially reserved for their old Kak Eda. Although they might not be able to quite explain it – it’s there for sure.